What Did You Get From Your Mom?

So much of Mother’s Day for women trying to get pregnant is about how it STILL HASN’T HAPPENED.

As I wrapped up the week of counseling my infertility patients, I reflected on what might be helpful for women who simply want to get to next week and have Mother’s Day over and done with. The days leading to Mother’s Day probably feel somewhat like gearing up to attend a massive baby shower, where it’s going to seem like everyone is noticing that you still don’t have your little one.

Mother’s Day elicits big emotions and makes women who are trying to become mothers feel small and forgotten, as they wonder, “Will it EVER happen for me?”

I decided that perhaps the best way I could help my community feel lighter about this weekend was to remind them that Mother’s Day is just that: it’s a day about mothers. We may not all be mothers (yet), but we all came from one. Somewhere there is a woman who allowed her life to be changed so that you could come into the world.

Whatever happened since that day may even hold the answer to why you’re having trouble conceiving or staying pregnant now…

My mom was someone who demonstrated an equal amount of nurturing and complete dysfunction. She was just as much a role model for me to look up to, as she was the perfect example to teach me what NOT to do to if I ever had kids of my own.

It took many years of therapy to help me transcend the grief that occurred from feeling a responsibility to mother my own mother. But if I’m honest, I also have to credit her with giving me the skill of keeping the faith and tirelessly believing in miracles — both of which help me fulfill my life’s calling, teaching infertile women how to find faith in their darkest days.

Mother’s Day doesn’t have to feel like a nationwide conspiracy to make you feel inadequate. Rather, it can be a day that you reframe, in order to help your fertility, as you acknowledge the mother you have (or had if she’s passed on), and whatever lessons you learned from that relationship that you can share with a child in the future.

What do you admire about your mother and how does that shine out from you? Or what pathology was set up in your mother-daughter dynamic that challenges you now to grow and strive to be your best?

Don’t spend much time today inwardly feeling sorry for yourself. Instead turn your attention to the woman who raised you and see if there’s something (a lesson learned, an important trait, etc) to express gratitude for, as it may be an important component of your preparation for motherhood.